My Favorite Tools for Nervous System Regulation
One of my favorite (and I think most frequently overlooked) tools in therapy is nervous system regulation.
I work with so many clients who have done therapy before and have insight into why they feel the way they do, but they still struggle to regulate their emotions. And that’s because insight and logic are only one piece of the puzzle. Even though your thoughts know what is going on, without nervous system regulation your body is still left clueless and feeling those intense emotions. Nervous system regulation helps you communicate to your body that it is safe and can relax.
In sessions, I realized I was explaining the same concepts and sharing the same tools over and over again, so I wanted to put them all in one place that feels approachable, practical, and actually usable in real life. My hope is that this makes nervous system regulation feel less intimidating and more accessible, whether you’re in therapy or just starting to explore this work.
Get ready to dive in as I briefly explain how the nervous system works and then share the tools I most often recommend, including some that can help in the moment and others that support longer-term regulation.
Understanding the Nervous System (In Simple Terms)
As a whole, your nervous system’s job is to keep you alive. It’s constantly scanning both internally and externally for signals that you are either safe or in danger. And even though it’s always working, your nervous system is so good at its job you probably aren’t even aware of what it’s doing.
This post is by no means a comprehensive guide to your nervous system, but it should give you a basic understand of its major parts, how it works, and how you can help support it.
The Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)
The autonomic nervous system controls automatic functions like heart rate, breathing, digestion, and muscle tension. It has two main branches:
Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight or Flight)
This system activates when your brain perceives threat. You might notice:
Racing thoughts or heart
Shallow breathing
Muscle tension
Digestive issues
Feeling on edge, panicky, or irritable
Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest and Digest)
This system supports rest, healing, digestion, connection, and recovery. When it’s active, you may notice:
Slower breathing and heart rate
Relaxed muscles
Improved digestion
A sense of calm, groundedness, or safety
Many regulation tools work by gently signaling to the body that it’s safe enough to shift out of fight-or-flight and into parasympathetic activation.
Short-Term Regulation Tools (Immediate Relief)
These tools are especially helpful when you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, emotionally flooded, or disconnected. Think of them as first aid for the nervous system.
4-7-8 Breathing (or Extended Exhale Breathing)
This is one of the most common tools I share with clients because it’s easy, you can do it anywhere, and most people respond really well to it. Breathing is also my personal go to strategy when I notice my nervous system needs a little extra support.
Why it works:
Breathing directly affects the nervous system. When your exhale is longer than your inhale, it stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, helping your body shift out of fight-or-flight and into the sympathetic rest and digest.
How to do it:
Inhale through your nose for a count of 4
Hold for 7
Exhale slowly through your mouth for 8
If holding your breath feels uncomfortable (which is common), you can skip the hold and instead:
Inhale for 4
Exhale for 6–8
The most important part is that you make sure your exhale is longer than your inhale.
Here’s a guided version I often share with clients:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-1n3KJR1I8
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation helps the nervous system release stored tension, especially when your emotions show up as tightness, restlessness, or physical discomfort.
Why it works:
Many people don’t realize how much tension they’re holding until they intentionally let it go. This exercise brings awareness to the body and signals that it’s safe to relax.
How to do it:
You’ll gently tense and then release different muscle groups throughout the body.
Here’s a guided version I often recommend to help you get a better sense of how to do it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5q3K-6HvQIk
Vagus Nerve Stimulation (Humming & Gargling)
I’ll be honest, most clients give me a strange look when I suggest this one. But stick with me and at least give it a fair shot.
Why it works:
The vagus nerve plays a major role in activating the parasympathetic nervous system. Activities like humming or gargling stimulate it through vibration and muscle activation in the throat.
Try this:
Hum a song you enjoy for 30–60 seconds
Gargle water for 30 seconds
While some people might feel a little silly or awkward trying this one, it can be surprisingly effective, especially for mild to moderate anxiety.
Bilateral Stimulation
Bilateral stimulation is commonly used in trauma therapy, but it can also be helpful as a standalone regulation tool.
Why it works:
Alternating stimulation between the left and right sides of the body can help calm the nervous system and reduce emotional intensity.
Examples include:
Alternating tapping on your legs or arms
Walking
Guided bilateral stimulation exercises
Here’s a video I often share with clients that walks you through how to use bilateral stimulation through tapping:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGGJrqscvtU
Long-Term Regulation Tools (Building Capacity Over Time)
I like to describe the nervous system as a muscle. Just like you would work out regularly to strengthen your physical muscles, your nervous system also needs regular work to build up its ability to regulate.
Regular Use of The Short-Term Tools
I know, I know, this one sounds like cheating. But just like physical strength is built through simple repetition, nervous system regulation works the same way. Using short-term tools only when you’re already overwhelmed is like trying to build muscle by lifting weights once you’re already exhausted. Practicing them when you’re not highly activated helps your nervous system learn the pathway more easily.
How to do it:
Pick one or two of your favorite tools from the short-term section above
Practice using your tool daily for at least 30 seconds
Try to use it at different points throughout the day
Consider pairing it up with another activity you do regularly, like mealtimes or bedtime
Why it works:
Using these tools regularly helps your nervous system get better at recognizing them more quickly. Over time, this can make it easier to regulate even as emotions get more intense.
Consistent Gentle Movement
Movement helps the body complete stress responses that don’t always get resolved in daily life.
Helpful options:
Walking
Yoga
Stretching
Swimming
Strength training with awareness of breath and sensation
Why it works:
Rhythmic, intentional movement supports nervous system flexibility and helps the body return to baseline more efficiently after stress.
Predictable Routines
Nervous systems thrive on predictability, especially if you’ve experienced chronic stress or uncertainty. The goal here isn’t necessarily to have the same exact routine every single day (that would be almost impossible for most people!), but we want to find small moments of routine we can create in our lives.
Examples:
Waking up and going to bed at similar times
Carving out time to enjoy a coffee or tea in the morning
Eating meals regularly
Creating a consistent wind-down routine in the evening
Why it works:
Predictability reduces the amount of threat-scanning your nervous system has to do, which can lower overall stress and reactivity. It doesn’t matter what you are doing, it just matters that there is some consistency in your day to day that your nervous system can rely on.
Co-Regulation (Safe Connection)
Humans are biologically wired for connection, and many nervous systems regulate best with others.
This can look like:
Talking with a trusted friend
Physical affection (if safe and wanted)
Therapy
Sitting quietly with someone you feel safe around
Spending time with an animal
Why it works:
Our nervous systems respond to cues of safety from others. Even just being around someone who is in a more regulated state than us can help signal to our nervous system that it is safe and we can regulate too.
Somatic Awareness Practices
Rather than overriding sensations or trying to push emotions away, somatic practices help build tolerance for noticing what’s happening in the body.
Examples:
Body scans
Tracking physical sensations while experiencing our emotions
Mindfulness focused on bodily experience rather than thoughts
Why it works:
Building physical awareness helps you catch the early signs that your body is shifting into fight or flight, such as tightening muscles or a racing heart. When you notice these cues sooner, it can make it easier for you to respond. And often, simply noticing what’s happening inside your body can begin to bring you back toward regulation.
Trauma-Informed Therapy
For many people, especially those with developmental, relational, or chronic trauma, self-guided tools might not be enough on their own.
Trauma informed therapies like EMDR, somatic therapy, and IFS can help you address the root of your nervous system dysregulation instead of just trying to manage the symptoms.
If you’re interested in learning more about these types of therapy, you can learn more about my trauma therapy approach here.
Short-Term vs. Long-Term Regulation: Both Matter
I often see people learn a new tool, try to use it for the first time in a moment of intense emotional distress, and then decide it doesn’t work because it couldn’t bring them all the way back to calm. And honestly, I get how discouraging that can feel.
But that experience doesn’t mean nervous system regulation tools won’t work for you. It usually means your nervous system was already operating at a very high level of activation.
When emotions are intense, the goal of a short-term regulation tool isn’t necessarily to make everything feel better or make the emotion go away. More often, the goal is to take the edge off just enough to get through the moment without feeling completely overwhelmed.
That’s why it can be helpful to think about regulation in two layers:
Short-term tools help you survive the moment. They may lower the intensity slightly, help you stay present, or prevent things from escalating further.
Long-term tools work more quietly in the background. Over time, they change how reactive your nervous system is overall, so you don’t reach that intense level of overwhelm as often.
Remember even those smalls shifts count. A tool doesn’t have to bring you all the way from a 10 to a 0 for it to be doing something meaningful for you and your nervous system.
